So, a big part of why I really failed
at this blog before was discipline. Oh, it was disguised cleverly as
not having anything to say – or not feeling like I had anything
worth saying. It was wrapped up in too many jobs, too little time.
But one of the things it came down to was discipline.
I posted my first blog entry of the new
blog and had a friend, a person who I respect immensely, a person I
think of as incredibly disciplined, say that he doesn't have the
discipline to write a blog.
Now the thing about this particular
friend is he is an artist, on so many levels I can't count. And to
do what he has done through the years, I know that he is incredibly
disciplined. Maybe just in his own way – but there is no way he
could have done the things he has without discipline. Passion too,
yes, passion gets us around some of the discipline problem. Makes it
vital and entertaining for a while – but it rarely lasts the whole
of the(insert noun here – book, article, show, painting,
construction, piece, project...whatever your medium). It would be
nice to think we were all so passionate about what we do and that
passion would carry us through, but let's face it...it rarely carries
you through – at some point you find yourself wishing this bloody
thing could just be done. Frustration is a huge component of passion
from my experience
His comment struck me on many levels.
Discipline is NOT one of my strong points – unless it is for the
short term. I am good at putting my head down and working, I am good
at pushing through until something is done – a project, a show, a
piece...but true discipline? Hell, I can't even manage to do the
same job for more than a few days at a time.
And really, isn't that one of those
things I have to master in order to make my business work? Isn't
that half of the difficulty – or 90% of the difficulty, maybe, in
running my business? Isn't that the real, main, grand reason that
the chandelier failed so spectacularly?
Everything takes discipline. Many of
us cheat – you take a job and you create discipline by having to
conform to the schedule set by the company. Imposed discipline.
That is the kind of discipline that we are taught in school. You go
to school, you go to your classes, you do your homework. That is the
beginning of it. An outside framework, structured by someone else
that is imposed on your personal time framework. Some of us do
better with it than others. Some people are good at doing their
homework. Some people cut a lot of classes....I generally enjoyed
school – I like learning – so other than the mornings it was an
easy framework for me. I am very curious about a lot of things –
hence the very schizophrenic array of jobs – sometimes in a single
day – that has made up my life...so that was an easy discipline for
me.
But in self-employment we have to fill
all those work hours – and generally a lot more than the “average”
8 hour day, 5 day week's worth if we want to actually manage to get
done what multiple people in other organizations manage – all on
our own.
And working from home – even from a
home studio or office...well, when you are stuck there are the
dishes. Or the laundry. Yes, you can do them on your coffee break,
you can do them while you are working on other things... but to have
the discipline to stop there and get back to your job...not to get
preoccupied by the errand someone asked you to run, reading that
article, cleaning the bathroom...
So – while I have come up with a bit
of a way to cheat on this blog...discipline, huh?
There are blogs that I try to read
occasionally...trying to figure out how to subscribe to them or get
them sent to me or remember to look to see if there is something new
up – all pretty new to me. Takes some discipline just to read
them, never mind write them.
But we all have to start somewhere...so
maybe this is part of my fresh start. Gaining the discipline to do
this, maybe, just maybe I can be more disciplined about, oh, I don't
know...working...making what I hope is art...making the life I want
to live.
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