Ebbs and Flows
The last installment of this that I
wrote was long. Perhaps if I had kept up the practice of writing I'd
have been better able to break it down, but it felt like all of that
needed to be together. And no one who doesn't want to read it has
to. I have to remind myself of that. The people who might read this
are doing so because they want to, so just write.
Rather than talk about another of the
many opportunities I've been given just now I want to talk a bit
about ebbs and flows.
When you are self-employed in any form,
but particularly in a creative medium we all know that there are ebbs
and flows in everything. Work, inspiration, paycheques, loving your
work, hating your work, anxiety, depression, joy, triumph, wonder...
In many ways artists relate best to
other artists because of the unspoken understanding of these cycles.
Not that other people can't relate to them -everyone experiences
them, and everyone has just as much possibility to have their work
tied into their ego and their self...sort of. There is, in my humble
opinion, a difference between an accountant being tied to being able
to do the best job for his client and doing a great job or letting
him down vs. someone who creates a work or an object from conception
to finish. Not all of us do everything we do conception to finish.
There are often other hands, other voices involved. And we don't do
all of it for our soul or from passion or for the greater good. But
there is something undefinable about that process, something words
won't catch.
You think I'm off on a tangent, but
this is all part of ebbs and flows. Because those things, those
objects, those moments don't come all the time. And having
experienced them, their absence is palpable, their lack tastes of
failure and brings out the fear that they will never grace our
presence again.
Tasting moments of creation, of genius,
of wonder – going to the heights shows you how deep the depths can
be.
With every creative person I know their
highs are soaring and their lows are suffocating – sometimes. But
just because it is only sometimes does not make them less important.
It makes them moreso. Everyone strives for balance. But when you
sway so far from the centre the centre often feels off kilter. You
spend so much time hanging off of one edge or the other that when you
finally hit centre the spins don't stop. So you try to compensate
and by doing so throw yourself out to the sides again. Sometimes.
It isn't so dramatic for everyone. Not
always. And sometimes, it is, but you are so used to it that it is
just normal. And all these things can be brought on by anything. By
everything. It is feast or famine...too much or not enough. When
you have time there is no money – even when you have been so
careful that people think scrooge is your middle name. When you have
money there is no time.
Everyone who runs a small business will
run into these things, everyone who creates will run into these
things. Some people deal with it by turning their back and walking
away. Those I have seen do this – when it is their creativity they
walk away from – typically become bitter and unhappy. Unless they
find another outlet.
What is the point to this? (Other than
that my ability to write also ebbs and flows?) The point, I suppose,
is that you are not alone. But in knowing that there are others out
there who experience these things you need to find community to help
you deal with them. Your vehicle for doing so will be determined by
your own patterns and choices. But do, please, find community.
Troubles shared are troubles halved. The weight of the ebbs and
flows – and yes, the highs are heavy too – can't you tell by how
tired you are when they are over? - will be lessened if you keep in
touch with people and tell them what is going on. The centre will be
easier to hold if you have others helping you to balance until the
world stops spinning.
The highs, the lows, the plateaus are
all part of the cycle. They take a toll. They are hard. But they
are natural and we all experience them. (And in truth what they bring
us is so worth the cost!)
So just don't give up. And don't
think you are alone.
Posts
