Remembering Things I Know

 The past while has been difficult for me - not impossible, not tragic, nothing that isn't manageable.  I know in spite of everything how fortunate I am, but we all have times that are hard or annoying or frustrating and whether or not they are blessed in comparison to some it doesn't make getting through them any easier.

The reality is that for the past couple of years when I go inward rather than calm I find anxiety, rather than joy I find emptiness, rather than wonder I find fear, where there was assurance there is uncertainty.  Not always, but more than I like, more than makes for my norm.  

I go through periods of grace from this, short spurts where the world is bright and I'm excited and motivated and I remember how to be who I've chosen to become.  It keeps escaping me, I can't seem to hold the state I had worked so hard to achieve, and I'm not always sure I can face doing the work again.

The truth is, though, the only way for me to "get my life back" is to decide to take it back.  I am the only one responsible for that, and I am the only one who can make it happen.  There are always circumstances beyond my control.  There are always outside factors which affect me and make it easier or harder...that is just life.  If I want to get my centre back, return to my calm, my quiet, my inner fountain of joy, that's on me.  I have to decide, and then I have to follow through.  It's okay that I'm taking a respite from that responsibility, but if I don't get it back I have only myself to blame.

Relationships are hard work - even our relationships with ourselves and the world around us.  So I'm hoping that I can make a more successful foray into the work of reattaining what I've somehow allowed myself to let go of.  Hopefully it is just a temporary loss, and I know where I end up when I do the work won't be the same, but I owe it to myself, and to all those who do so much to support me and who choose to be in my life and make it so great to get back to the work.  Even if it is only a little at a time.
 

 

Elfworks Studios Wands are now available at the Plant Mystic!

 

Elfworks Studios is extraordinarily pleased to announce that there is now a selection of handcrafted wands for Hedgewitches and Healers available at the Plant Mystic.

 

For those of you who don’t know The Plant Mystic, it is a beautifully curated boutique storefront located at 257 Danforth Ave on the main floor of the Inner Arts Collective. You can learn more about the space at www.plantmystic.com, On July 20^th there is a great way to both check out the space and get engaged with some of its collaborators, as they are holding a Mystic Arts Fair. 

 

The Fair features workshops that are reasonably priced, and cover a wide and intriguing variety of topic areas. Along with the amply spaced workshops which take place in the treatment rooms there is the opportunity to explore the boutique shop space and meet with various readers and seers.

 

I was incredibly impressed with both the space, and its curator, Melanie. This is not your everyday commercial shopping experience, but truly a sacred space carrying carefully chosen and well thought out items to help you create your own sacred spaces and practices.

The website contains hidden treasures of connection and information, and I cannot recommend this space more highly. If you are looking for a brief respite from the chaos of your day, The Plant Mystic offers an energetic haven, as well as an unusual and fascinating selections of objects for you to browse.

Undone

 

Well, it seems I’m back. Over the last couple (or more?) of years I’ve been trying to keep up the digital end, and doing a lot of writing for the business, but none about the business. I’ve got my fingers in so many pies, and been balancing so many plates I’ve forgotten about door number 3. It happens a lot in small businesses – things getting left undone, until something shakes things up.

Even though I’ve dropped a lot of jobs I still have a lot of jobs, and in attempting to keep up with the “new requirements” for running a business (like social media) it adds a lot of work to the day. Scheduling tools help, but you still have to come up with the content. And being a one person show, well, I’m not comfortable with someone else trying to create content to represent, essentially, me. Not to mention I’m very fussy about that content. I prefer (obviously by my spotty record) not to post over posting something I don’t think fits.

It’s all a little like learning a new language, really – but one that changes its verbage every 6 months. Don’t get me wrong – I’m enjoying most of the things I’m doing...It’s been decades since I’ve written so much and I’ve missed it – I’m loving that aspect. Because I’m sticking to my integrity, pretty much everything is something that I do love, something I am passionate about, something that I feel matters.

But life rolls on, and things happen and you suddenly realize you’ve become snowed under with unfinished tasks, and projects you put aside.

For example, I just got some knotting work. Due to several factors, including health related ones, it has been a while since I did any knotting work. And the last piece I did was filled with things new to me, and was quite personal and important to me. So, I went to grab a block to work on and saw that I have a ¾ finished moustache on one of them, a partially finished front from making notes for teaching on another…

My first inclination was to just pull them off and put them aside...but, I stopped for a minute and thought about it. My current project is important but is not a giant time pressure. So, wouldn’t it be a lot smarter to take the 3 hours, finish the moustache, finish the whipstitching on the front and photograph that stage – so that it is ready for it’s next phase when I come back to it – and THEN move on?

Having been exhausted after my last work stint, I also realized that I have 2 other projects in varying stages of being worked on in my studio, and that is on top of the two projects that I had on the list for this week.

All the projects are worth doing. They are all interesting. Some are for money, some are stock, some are for larger projects of greater scope that I am working toward. Obviously the ones with timelines and customers attached take precedence. But it is easy to get distracted and put things aside, until you get through the latest rush job, the latest life crisis, the latest whatever, and then they slip to the edges and get buried. In trying to tidy up to make work space they get cleared away and suddenly they are strangers when you find them again, and it feels like you lost your mojo, or sometimes like you’ve failed (again).

It is easy to leave things undone. It is easy to let them weigh you down and taunt your self-worth, your self-confidence, your belief in what you are doing. As with everything, you just have to find what works for you. Make a partially completed projects book that you can refer to when you have time on your hands so it doesn’t get temporarily forgotten. Make a list, or a whiteboard, or set a reminder in your calendar. Don’t let them lead you to despair. When you are able, take the 3 hours, or 3 days to finish it, or to complete a phase, before you put it away again. Sometimes you just need a break, to see it with fresh eyes for it to come back to life and make your interest or your ideas bloom again.

 

Never give up, never give up that ship!

Too Much Time and Not Enough

 

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” — Bruce Lee

I am very much guilty of spending what could be called far too much time thinking about a thing. A whole year has passed since my last blog post.

To be fair, I have made other efforts toward my goals, and I have been working hard at a lot of things – the past year seems never to have stopped being full. Still and all, this has fallen down a deep crack and been lost. It would occur to me occasionally, but I’ve been writing so many other things (including, to be fair, a book - The Good Stuff https://a.co/d/hDmWXIs ) that I just haven’t gotten to the blog.

I have to say that reading the last post I made where I was talking about it being a post-Trump world, and now here we are again approaching that same insanity to be relived on some level….well, it feels a little strange.

So I have been writing, and implementing all kinds of new things. I’ve been working on new projects – most recently been working to expand my concept for my line of “Hearthfire Domesticware” – various cookware items to compliment the ones I’ve worked out already, like my pie lifter – and get me out to the forge more.

I’m participating in two Christmas Markets this year again – both the Paisley Christmas Market that opens today(!) www.paisleychristmasmarket.ca at which there are lots of particularly delicious looking offerings this year (yes, that does mean LOTS OF FOOD!!) and also the Museum of Dufferin’s annual HOLIDAY TREASURES show www.dufferinmuseum.com/holidaytreasures/

While I’m still suffering the effects of frozen shoulder to some extent I am managing to make anyway and will, in fact be making a new ornament again this year.

I’ve been working at the opera, where my boss of 23 years has retired and we will be entering an exciting time with a new Head of Department at the helm. I’ve been continuing work several of my other little jobs, and still working on creating permaculture here, and working on much needed work on the house and property.

I had to replace my beloved car this year, with a newer used vehicle – and there is all the joy and trepidation (and expense!) that goes with that.

And then we are back to all the writing – for Patreon, for the business, for myself….along with all the writing I haven’t been able to do, but think about, and make endless little notes about. 

For those of you who are interested, I’ve implemented a Word of the Week post on Patreon – and for the moment it is going to be a public post every Monday. After a few months I will change it so that it is only for members – but it will be available to members of my free tier, so if you like it you can follow along with a free subscription. https://www.patreon.com/elfworksstudios If you think there are others who would enjoy it, please share it widely. Sometimes it helps to know you aren’t just shouting into the void.

The wearing of many hats will always be a struggle that requires choices to be made, and things will always fall through the cracks. This post is about not overthinking what I’m writing here, but leaping back in with writing something...letting you know that in spite of all the things I’ve failed to do, I’m still here, still making, still doing.

Whatever it is you do, I hope you too are still managing to do your thing – we are all just muddling along together, and it will be better for all of us if we help one another keep going.

Seven Months ?

 Well -

It would appear that I've been MIA for months.  A little over seven of them if you are counting.  I have to say, I'm not in a good place and it has not been an easy year.  I've had to shed things - things I love, things that keep me sane - to keep up.  Don't get me wrong.  There has been a lot of good this year too, even if it is hard to see at times, but it definitely has not been easy.

One of the things I had to put on hold (I haven't really shed them I guess, though it certainly feels like it) is writing.   And I've come to understand that writing is something that keeps me sane.  Whether it is this blog, or things for Patreon, or just things for me - those words coming into my head and then getting let out somewhere - on a page or a keyboard - that exchange helps me stay balanced - or as close as I manage to get.  It lets things flow through me rather than being bottled inside me, fermenting.

And I know that is a part of why I'm not in a good place right now - everything has been fermenting, and it feels distinctly like it has all gone off.  There are a lot of reasons for it, and there are a lot of ingredients that have made things turn toxic, but as with any process you can always throw out the bad batch and start again.

So, here I am, briefly back at the keyboard, pulling off the lid of the bad mix, hoping to wash it all clean and start anew.  Of course, the conditions are always changing, and I'm beginning again in a world I need to squint to recognize.  It seems strange that I say that in a post-Trump, sort of post-Covid world....but somehow those years felt more manageable to me than this last one.  (Of course, Trump was only a disheartening news figure for me, not the president of the place I reside, but still.)

I hope your year has been easier than mine, and that your future looks bright.  I'm not sure where I sit, but I'm tending to myself now, and assessing where I'm at.  From the outside it doesn't look like the path has changed, but internally, as ever, everything is different.  Different isn't bad, it's just what it is.  A new perspective on the landscape.  I look forward to being back, and I'm on my way, but I'm not there yet.  Just wanted to check in and let you all know.

New Shoots

The sun has been out several days in a row, and for the most part the temperatures have actually stayed above freezing. Last night and today is a major rainstorm – but it is above freezing, and (relatively) warm. Some of the snow is beginning to melt and some of my gardens are beginning to reappear. Though there are still a lot of snow filled spots and icy patches it is much easier to walk around outside. 

 March this year was terrible...the freeze/ thaw cycle kept things so icy I actually couldn't get to work twice this year in March. In spite of the multitude of great things going on so far this year it has felt exceptionally hard and the winter has felt incredibly long. Everything is subjective, even when you know that objectively it is not so bad. 

It seems that spring might be moving back in, finally.

 As always, I have high hopes for setting a pace this year, but my moods and enthusiasm seem as fickle as the weather. I really am trying to write again – I have so many partial articles done for my Patreon page...and I know I'm not a brilliant writer, but I'm not a horrible one either. I just can't put something up that is in as rough a shape as most of them are. I am finding it difficult, especially on bad days, to make reasonable sentence structures out of bits of thoughts. I am bereft of terms and phrases – it is like part of my memory disk has been corrupted. As an example, for weeks now I cannot hold onto the phrase “freezing rain”. When I think about what has been happening outside I come up with “icy rain” or “icy bits” but the words “freezing rain” escape me entirely. 

 

I have faith that it will all come back into focus, and my brain and body will begin to reawaken as the weather warms, but the wait feels interminable. So I'm trying to tend the new shoots as they appear, do the work I can as it comes and be patient. Writing when the words come, as much as is possible, doing a lot of the “zen of chain”, waiting for the ice to melt in the slack tub and pushing to do the pressing things in fits and starts. Baby steps, like seeds swelling, but not yet ready to burst forth new shoots into the ground. Having faith that something is, in fact, better than nothing and knowing that I'm not alone in this place, this endless waiting that makes time slow to a crawl while at the same time it disappears before it has even been acknowledged. The mere fact that it is, in fact April already...the winter stayed forever, but where did it go? 

 

 So soak up the sun, the moisture, and the nutrients as they come, because I have a feeling that once those shoots begin to unfurl the pace is going to end up rivalling the speed of light.   I know I'll need every ounce of what I have to keep up.

Addendum to Building Blocks Post

Hello, it would seem that the hyperlinks in blogger are not working. I also wanted to give the image credits.... The info for the missing links is as follows: www.elfworksstudios.com www.etsy.com/nz/shop/ElfworksStudios www.instagram.com/kelly.at.elfworks/ www.facebook.com/ElfworksStudios www.digitalmainstreet.ca www.elfworksstudios.ca www.patreon.com/elfworksstudios Image credits are as follows: All photos are courtesy of Pixabay.com. I did put credits on the photos themselves, but I think I sometimes dropped the second "a" in Pixabay. All the science/atoms images are by Gerd Altmann Brick image by Michael Jarmoluk Coloured wood blocks image by ZeeShutterz Lego image by Clare Dry stone wall by Michael Nichols Gardening/hands by Delynn Talley Wooden puzzle by Hans