Shop Renovation 2020 Project Part 2 – Walls and Windows and Floors oh my!

 

Okay, I wrote this post months ago, and took the photos - it was one of those 5am writing things.  And then I have let it sit, unpublished for far too long.  

The world is an upside down place these days and I'm struggling to make myself do the things I want to do.  I love making for Elfworks, but I'm lousy at the marketing and promo stuff.  Lately I've even been lousy at the making.  But I'm still here, and here is some kind of update on what's been happening over the past months.... 

Yes, here it is months later and I've written nothing more about my Very Exciting Shop Renovation. I confess, I've had my hands firmly in the dirt trying to grow things, and lay groundwork for other projects for almost all the intervening time. In my defense, this is all part of the larger Elfworks picture, but has not gotten me far in the shop.

I mentioned that my partner Darrell had done all the actual building of the space. While it is hard for me to let go, it was a wise decision. He is a much better builder than I am, and has a lot more experience. The result being that my shop is very awesome. Not fancy, not shiny, but awesome. Much of the wood that was used was recycled from other projects, so it is a patchwork in many ways, but that had its advantages too (besides lowering the cost.)

Darrell started by framing in the walls, then the floor. The floorboards were laid, but not attached while he worked on walls and insulation and wiring (yes, that's right, insulation!!) The ceiling was framed in – we are dropping the ceiling to make it easier to heat...not like I need head room! The window on the northwest wall was framed in – positioned to allow light in from the window in the outside wall of the building. And then it got even more exciting.

Once the walls were up, the floor got finished – Darrell put a little bit of insulation under the floor and the boards got screwed down. The larger pieces had been loosely placed on the boards for layout and positioning and got moved back into their homes. I made measurements and did chalkmark layout of the rest of the space.

We had talked about bench space, something I've never had much of with the result of always having to shift tools and projects, well, off of other tools and projects frankly. Never having had it, I wasn't sure how much of it I would need. I listened to the voice of experience, and opted for more rather than less. There was a scrounged steel counter that was laying around, but when I looked at it it seemed extremely imposing and space consuming. I mentioned that I am small, looking at the counter what I saw was wasted space where I would inevitably pile things and continue my bad habits.

Solution? Rip it in half and make 2 narrow sections rather than 2 large sections. I love that we are metal people. Deciding on its height was also a big challenge. I am so used to having everything the wrong size that this was a big learning curve. Once the height was settled, sturdy framing set it firmly in place, and a leg vise, appropriately adjusted for height, was attached. (The attachment bracket of the leg vise was a partial decider on the height.)

 

 

I went outside one day and found Darrell atop a ladder, pulling boards from the outside of the building. One of the things we had talked about was light – natural light. While it is true that natural light can be difficult in a smith's shop – the colours always changing depending on how the light falls, I knew I needed it. I find it too hard to work in a dark space and light where there are no windows is always somehow, inadequate (for me.)

 

  Solution? The original solution was that window I talked about on the north wall. On further discussion, Darrell suggested we could put windows on the top of the south wall of the building and put a clear panel into my ceiling to allow for more light.

 Again, there were a number of scrounged windows waiting for use, so they got put into play. While it was a big job, I cannot tell you the difference it has made, not just in my shop but in the shop as a whole.

 Suddenly the world is lit up with those 2 windows in that wall. And my shop in particular practically gleams when you enter. Although we did install a ceiling fan overhead light, as well as making provisions for other lights where needed, during the day they have become almost redundant. Suddenly the shop that was already so exciting became a real joy. Working there will be an easy task, and I know that I can adjust to changing light, though there will be some tasks that will be more challenging with it.

 

 

 

The boards for the walls were chosen and placed with thought to texture (or lack thereof.) This meant that I could turn one full panel and one of the panels above my fantastic new benches into chalkboard. They are already covered in lists of “to do” - largely custom hooks to give my stakes permanent storage places under my benches...off the floor.

The wheeled metal frame that used to hold my propane forge was customized and given new life as a stand for my swage block and bench plate. The casters allow me to leave it stored against the wall or move it into closer proximity to the forge on my lovely wooden floor.

The propane forge now sits on a plate covering the firebox of the coal forge – allowing for me to switch to coal on larger or more curved objects (though the ventilation is not in yet.) The coal forge – a portable table style sits atop a metal plate, which gives me extra space for cooling pieces, still on the floor as is my longtime habit, but well out of the way of my feet.

The forge itself is positioned so that I can either use my anvil, my leg vise or step down and use my BAAT Hammer with ease. It will take a bit of getting used to that it isn't in the corner, but the placement is much better, especially with the changes in equipment.

An old freestanding wire basket style shelf has been repurposed as my hammer rack, also holding many spare sets of tongs and a few other pieces, nestled in the corner where my forge used to be. And steel is now stored in a rack on the west wall, neatly sorted (well, mostly) rather than a mass of buckets with random odds everywhere. Longer pieces are stored just outside the new shop space against a wall. Everything is safely chained off – and I can actually see what stock I have. Not surprisingly I have more than I realized. And now I'll be able to find it rather than assuming I don't have any and buying more. It will also serve as a reminder of the projects I'm supposed to be doing...things I bought stock for, stored it and then forgot about it, project and all.

There are still things to be done – a stack for the woodstove has to be installed, ventilation for the coal forge put in, doors to the space to be built an attached, but the place is a joy to work in. I haven't gotten very far just yet. There is a lot of new to get used to, everything has new homes – shelves and racks and a level of organization that will take some fine tuning and a lot more familiarity before it achieves the efficiency it promises. And I have been mostly trying to “make hay while the sun shines” and all that...true enough.

But I can tell you that I've had inspiration for 3 new large projects since this adventure began – larger than any of the things I've attempted yet. This is a space where I can see things happening, and keep track of what I'm doing. Not that the previous spaces were to blame for that lack – that was all on me. This space though, and the time ahead where I am here and not travelling to and fro to that other life that is on hold for the forseeable future...well, I have much hope for the undertaking of great adventures.

Discipline and Self-Care in an Extended Period of Self-Isolation

So, here we are...here I am. I try very hard to limit my exposure to the news and social media – particularly during times of crisis. I get overwhelmed much too easily. Dragged into the mire and the muck of everything I can't control, or change or help. We are into a time of pandemic – but it is a time when there is a global tint to everything...for good, or for ill, we know more now about what goes on across the world than we ever have.

My theatre contract got cancelled on the 13^th of March, so we are a little more than a month into the self-isolation routine. In all honesty, in many ways this is barely a blip in our routine. And yet. There is a profound difference to it, even so. It brings challenges even to us in so very many ways. And not unlike everyone else, it messes with our heads.

Living rurally, we generally keep a good stock of supplies, and often don't leave the property for about 10 days at a time – typically by that time we need more cream, or milk, or cat food (or for me, more mushrooms.) So for us to extend that to leaving only once every fourteen days or more is not such a hardship. Our incomes are usually low, so our expenses are low – we work hard to keep them that way. We are not used to going out for our entertainment. We don't tend to go out much at all. We read a lot, and our artistic work tends to keep us busy. When we can we do repairs on our home or work on the yard – which we do ourselves. For me, I am happy to be quiet when I get to be home – I get more than my fill of socializing during my theatre work periods, and staying home is a welcome gift.

However, it is different when it is not a choice. While we are much better equipped mentally, emotionally, and in terms of habits and preparation to deal with this than the average city dweller, it still takes a toll. I honestly feel very much for those who have been pushed into this situation with little preparation. I feel for all of you, with all of your varied challenges and reasons why this is an (almost, I hope only almost) unbearable situation for you. If it takes a toll on us, it must be hellish for some of you. Not just the enforced changes, but the playing up of all the fears and doubts that we try to drown with our routines and our habits and our busy-ness and our noise.

For the first two weeks of the month that I've been home I stayed very busy. I was finishing up an online course I'd been taking. I got the corner where the bookcases are painted, and we installed the new heater. Along with that I rearranged the books on those two shelves and got a lot of material scanned and input into our personal library. I got a bunch of house stuff done that had been waiting for too long. I was working on updating my website (still am), and moving it to a Canadian provider. We were working on my forge space in the shop, which we are building into a more permanent and better set up space. Lots to do – there is always lots to do.

Since that two week period things have slowed down. While I've felt since the initial announcement that this was likely to go at very least into the fall, if not into next year, that first two week period was filled with a sense of urgency. As if I had to get it done, it could be a mistake. I could be called back to work at anytime. What if my next contract actually went ahead? (They went down to the wire before they decided to pull the plug on the next contract I had.) But now, well, now this is the norm for the long haul. That doesn't really distress me, for the most part. There will certainly be challenges, and worries and problems. I know that for many it is a source of extreme uncertainty and distress. Again, I feel for you, and I know how lucky I am in all this.

It has, however, begun to sink in. Staying disciplined is hard. Motivation is hard. The stuff that messes with your head is hard. A lot of people I know – a lot of self-employed artists and others are having a hard time working with the time that they have. The feeling for many is “what's the point?” No one will have any disposable income. Festivals and shows are cancelled. Why make stuff just to have stuff? There are no deadlines, no goals, no sense of urgency.

Some of that has permeated here too. One of my goals this year is to be making at least 3 days a week, whenever possible. Well, now I have the time to make that a habit. To meet that goal. I can't say I'm doing very well with it. I have been trying to give myself some leeway with that. Making can include writing, baking – any out of the norm, ambitious undertaking. Making dinner doesn't count, but in the beginning, making muffins might. I hope to work up to it gradually, this new habit. Even with that leeway, I don't think I've managed 3 days any week except this one. But I forgive myself. And I will keep trying, keep working toward it. And keep forgiving myself for my failings. This is a strange new world (well, every day is a strange new world, but admittedly, this period is stranger than most.) The landscapes shift every day...sometimes more than once per day.

The weather, of course, hasn't helped. In the last week we've had snow all but two days. Now, that is not unheard of up here, even for the middle of April. And I love winter. However, I am ready for it to move on. Snow in the middle of April is not inspiring. It doesn't make me want to work. It doesn't make me want to do anything other than sit by the fire where it is relatively warm. So, I try to have patience with myself for that.

Said weather has pretty much put a hold on the work toward my new shop. It is getting close to the infrastructure being done, but when it is cold and snowy in April, we just don't want to work out there. Now, that is not sensible. Neither the temperatures, nor the conditions are much different than they were in mid to late March. And yet. The fact that it is April now and it is dragging on is what is stopping it (mostly. There are also other things that need to get done...)

So, the point of this post is to remind myself, and anyone who might be choosing to read it that discipline is a practice. When you don't do the thing, look at what happened, what threw you off course, forgive yourself and try again.

The realization that it is okay not to be a superhero is part of the self-care. The knowledge that this is hard and whatever you do or don't do, don't dwell on it, and don't beat yourself up for it, is also self-care. Allowing for rest, replenishment and relaxation that you don't usually get is self-care. It is a lot of hard work, and a lot of scary work to process the fears that this situation brings up for most people. And the changes. Just because it is internal work doesn't mean it isn't exhausting, or any less valuable for being invisible to the naked eye. We all need to allow ourselves room to just be for a bit. It will be a process....as all of life is. But in the quiet it is magnified. So when you need to back away for a little while, allow yourself that respite. Do what you can, that is all we can ask of ourselves.

I believe that for all those self-employed artists who are struggling to keep working in this time of weirdness, that they need to have patience with themselves. Whatever it is that you do, somewhere down the line you will remember that “the point” is that you can't not create. Your need to create will overwhelm the apathy some days, and you can seize those moments and build on them. We all can, whatever our calling is.

Websites and Personalities

A few days ago I received an email from someone else running a small business. In all likelihood it was generated by an algorithm rather than the person, but regardless...

They run a website design company and wanted to offer me a discount on doing my website. Giving it the benefit of the doubt I answered.

“Best of luck with your business and I hope you do well. I'm afraid I have my own gurus and cannot afford to have an outsider do my site (which is in the process of being re-vamped). I'm afraid all the artists I know are in the same boat, but I will keep it in mind if I hear of anyone. Thanks for reaching out. “

It got me to thinking...While I think there are lots of great people out there who do web design, and there are lots of businesses that benefit from their services...and let's face it, who, in running a small business has the time and expertise to design and maintain their own site?

And yet,

There are so many of us who do. Why is that?

Well, for myself it is at least in part a very definite sense of identity. I have gone through friends who became web designers and who offered me a great deal, and I worked with them for short periods. But in the end they were somehow unable how to communicate who I was.

Some of the designs were likely very good commercially. They were slick. But they were not me. I know lots of people who have gone into web design and done great things for others. I love the sites they have created for them, but I don't think they could come up with something that is for me.

Why is it that my website has been a pared down showcase that does very little to attract people to my business, or give them much information for so many years? Because it has suited me, and the business. Not smart, but true. My business has been part-time most of the time, and I have not been able to decide about certain facets of it – Where exactly do I want it to go? What exactly do I want to highlight....

For a very long time I thought I had to settle down and just focus on making one or two kinds of things. I have since realized that that is not me, and it is highly unlikely that I will be doing that.

There are aspects of my business that are not on the website at all, or only mentioned in passing. I certainly don't put any of my wig work or facial hair into the showcase. It is not appropriate for what I am trying to promote, and it is a part of what I do but not what I want to push. I have other avenues to get that work, and I get enough of it in an average year to keep me happy. I love it, but I don't want to do just that.

So keeping control of my website and its (lack of) progress is important to me. I have friends (gurus) who help me immensely – and in fact do most (currently pretty much all) of the technical work (Thank you Travis!) I am working on changing that and learning what it is I really need to know to do that work myself. But it is just another hat to wear that keeps me from making stuff, so I have been reluctant. And that is a huge reason why people hire out. And a great reason to do it if you can.

For many of us it is a raw cost factor. Many of the people I know who run a small business are emphasis on the word small. Generally it is a one person show, and the profit margins are nearly non-existent as it is. Investing in someone else's time and expertise is just not financially feasible.

Some people would love to turn over their sites and free up their time, but they just can't afford it. And if the site has been up and running a long time and offers a lot of information, the cost skyrockets pretty quickly.

Now, it is true that a lot of this has been made much simpler and cheaper – all the DIY website companies that offer templates and widgets and interfaces have made a lot of this a moot point. But when you are running a small business and you essentially are your brand it comes down to choices. Maybe the choices I'm making are technically wrong. This is probably a spot where my choices are asinine and are holding me back. There is certainly a cost not only in time, but in exposure, in reach, in promotability. Regardless, they are my choices.

I am in the process of going through and reviewing choices, and learning new skills, and doing the work to find a balance for my business and my site. I have just given the okay to my guru to mess with my blog, experimentally, to see if he can give it a further reach. I find the process terrifying, but I know that I need to step out of my comfort zone if I want this to work, and want to be able to create enough of a following to allow me to work.

I was talking about all this to a friend recently, about all the time I'm spending learning to photograph my work so that it presents reasonably well, getting Etsy up and running, writing for the site etc. He asked me whether I thought it was worth the time I was spending – the time I was missing in making things – to do all of this rather than hiring out. I'm still not sure the balance is the right one, but for now it is the option I consider the most feasible.

Energy In, Energy Out

Discipline, changes, work, money...it all takes energy. There are days when you have so much you can't settle...can't find anywhere to put it, and there are days when you have none. Regardless, you have to make choices with it – how to spend it. A lot of this blog, so far, has been me coming to terms with the changes I'm making. Essentially, talking through the process my brain is undergoing – the conversations I'm having with myself about doing this thing that scares me, really making a go of my business.

One of the things I've always understood is that energy in is energy out. It might change form, but if you don't put in the work you won't get the result. I'm not saying that the work has to be hateful or arduous to get a brilliant result, but it has to be done. The energy I put into my business, and my life, dictates to some measure what is likely to come out the other end. Perhaps not as success or failure – there are a lot more factors involved than that...but I've comforted myself over the years with the knowledge that it was okay that I wasn't doing much business, because, well, I wasn't doing much.

The more energy I put in, the higher the stakes get. The more the potential reward, certainly – and those rewards might come in many forms. I will appreciate each of them, but will I get enough of the form that I will need to make this all work? And of course, that form is the thing you get as an exchange of the energy you put in – money.

To me, money is nice to have but not something I covet. I've learned not to hate it – things you hate but need don't turn up as often as you'd like. I don't believe it to be the root of all evil – sure, it causes problems whether you have it or you don't, but like so many things it is neutral. It is about how it is viewed and how it is used.

I think many of us have lost track of the idea that it is a symbol for the energy expended for the thing that you want. Granted, the way economies work, the way capitalism as a system works, the misguided ideas about the sustainability and necessity of constant growth, the real estate market, the cost of food and housing vs. the pay scales of the average worker...none of these help us to remember what it is meant to be.

Yes, our cash was once based on gold – but gold was valued for its rarity, and for what it took to get it out of the ground and into a form where it could be used....it was valued not only as a metal but for the energy that was put into it. Iron used to be valuable too. And salt. And spices – food in general had more value because it didn't arrive in pre-formed meals from the store. Technology is a great thing, but in aiding us in so many of these processes it has cheapened them. It is also the only way we can sustain this lifestyle we've made as a global people. Industrial farming and the lack of farmlands we now have – all that land that has turned into condos and shopping malls – without technology and the worldwide transportation that has developed we wouldn't be able to feed our population, or clothe it, let alone supply it with all the luxuries we take for granted that have become semi-necessities.

And in the end, all of those things still come back to energy. Food gives us the energy to run our bodies. Clothing changes how much energy we have to put out to keep warm and functional (at least in places not too close to the equator) and allows us to focus on other necessary tasks. Money means we don't have to be able to provide for all our needs ourselves. It allows us to buy food rather than grow it, hunt it or gather it. To buy clothing rather than growing plants to process fibres to weave cloth and cut and sew clothing. In theory, we pay for others to do those things. In theory the price we pay to purchase those things is to pay for the whole of the process. Nevermind that our pricing for things is backwards and the people who do the bulk of the work don't get the bulk of the money on average – that is for someone politically minded to take up and wave banners about.

It is, however, particularly important and incredibly challenging as someone who is self-employed. You can only charge for your product or service what the market will bear. Figuring out what that is and who your market is – what will they bear...all a huge factor. And in a global market that means finding people who are educated enough to perceive, or educating people to the fact that energy in is energy out. And that means all the energy – the energy to run the business as well as make the product or perfom the service. It means that part of your pricing has to reflect the inventory creation and update, the tax records and filing, the equipment or tools that were required to make the thing and or the knowledge and skill required. It means the classes, the schooling, the physical workspace, the raw materials, the design...everything you do for your business, all the energy you put in whether it is in money, in time or in effort – or all three, or another form I've left out... it all has to be rolled into that price and divided by the number of units you can manage somehow.

The majority of us have lost track of that too. And as self-employed persons, as makers and doers we have to try to educate the world and remind them that in this global marketplace, yes, you can find a better price, but if you want this thing from this source, that is what you are paying for. This education, this realization is a part of it, because it is a part of the energy I am expending in taking time to interface with you. And when energy in doesn't reflect energy out...well, that is not sustainable in the long term. For any of us.

Motivation Maneuvers

Motivation Maneuvers

This is going to be a rough draft. Very rough. I woke up this morning thinking about it, but didn't know what to say. I still don't, but I need to start. And sometimes it is just about starting.

Sometimes it is just about starting. When you are self-employed, even if it is only part-time...motivation is a kicker. You are probably self-employed because you love what you do – you are driven to do it at all costs. And yet.

I would love to say particularly if you are in a creative field, but I'm sure it applies just as much to sales, to counselling and consulting and to all kinds of other fields. I suspect that if you have a storefront or an office it makes it slightly easier. You have to be present at that office for your clients or customers. Maybe people book appointments. Maybe you have to pay rent.

A home studio or home office, well, that is a different ball of wax. As much as you love what you do, there are days – sometimes weeks, where everything feels more pressing so that you can avoid the fact that you don't feel inspired to create. The dog needs to be walked. The dishes need to be done. The cat is feeling neglected and needs a cuddle. There is all that laundry, and it would be so much easier to feel creative if only I could get that shelving unit properly organized.

All these things are likely true. You aren't lying to yourself, but you are avoiding the thing you say you want to do. The thing you are supposed to be doing. The thing that drives you (and sometimes drives you insane...)

And when you are only able to do it part-time, when you need the security blanket of another income source because strangely, you enjoy eating...well, then all the above things are doubly true, because you only have a portion of the time. And you are tired. You've been working at that/those other jobs. And if you do give in to the laundry, the dog walking, the dinner making, the shelf organizing, well...you've been working and trying to keep up everything else that makes life tick. Don't you deserve to sit and read for an hour or two? Surely you have earned the right to a cup of tea and a nap?

And again...all of this is true. And like other human animals, you do, in fact deserve, and need some down time (insert guilty or otherwise pleasure here). But that thing you aren't doing is still there, still tickling the back of your brain and as much as you want it to let go, it won't.

And I did say SELF emlployed...that means that you also have

to do the marketing, the advertising, the cash handling (if there is any...), the accounting, the taxes, the scheduling, the ordering, the inventory, the cleaning, answer the mail, the emails, the phone...(write the blog entries)...there are photos to process, print to write, tools to maintain...and yes, garbage and recycling to take out.

And then, maybe, you can squeeze in being creative...

Hah!

The trouble is the longer you avoid it the sneakier it gets. Avoiding it for too long a time will likely make you cranky, out of sorts, possibly depressed. It will often get hard to focus, difficult to keep track, it makes everything harder...that's right. Everything. That includes making it harder to get creative, to be productive at your passion. You've been away from it for so long, you don't feel like you can anymore, you aren't sure you can do it. And so you avoid it, and so it spirals.

Until you can't ignore it anymore, and even if what you make is pure unadulterated crap, you have to make something...

Sometimes it is just about starting.

Quite often it will take itself from there. Not always, sometimes it really takes time to get back into the flow of it, to remember what life is like when you are in the zone. Sometimes it feels like you will never get there.

And the laundry still needs doing, and the dog still needs walking, and the shelf still needs organizing, but often once you are back in the flow and hum of it, those times are a part of the process. While you are walking the dog you see a leaf on a tree that the light is hitting just so and you realize that you could make...and the smell of the laundry detergent makes you think of that time you were with those people and you had that idea that you had forgotten all about.

Sometimes it is just about starting. Other times it is about discipline. The discipline to sit down and write Every Day, even if you are all written out. The discipline to go out to the studio or shop, even if all you do is clean up and maintain your tools. The follow through to spend just that half hour before you curl up with your book.

Being self employed is hard. No matter what you do, whether it is full time or part time. It isn't about running family errands or sitting watching soap operas through the day. It is about working when you don't want to, on things you don't want to because it is what you want to do. It is about finding time that doesn't exist and energy that you don't have. It is about believing you can, even when you know that you can't yet. Sometimes,

it is just about starting.