Fortune and Folly

Fortune and Folly

I've known people who suffered so much from depression that they were unable to get out of bed some days. Thankfully, that has never been the case for me. Perhaps it is sheer force of will. I won't say I've never gone back to bed, but I can generally force myself up. And thankfully my depressive cycles have slowed dramatically. But with great highs come great lows.

I am going through a cycle of great change as I write these entries. I suspect I'm somewhere in the middle of the cycle, and it has been over 3 years now since I think it began – but then, life is change so clearly if you look at the wider view it has been much longer than that. And in the quiet moments I can't help but reflect on life – it is all part of the learning, gaining perspective on where you've been in order to go forward with a little more sense (hopefully).

There are those who see me and see someone to be admired. Someone who is stong and free spirited and unafraid of consequence. There are some who know me better than most and see a survivor. Or an idealist. There are even be some out there who – if they chose their words carefully and speak honestly, say they see me as wise. I am less certain that I am any of those things. Sometimes what they see gives me hope that they see something that could someday be true. Sometimes I think they see what they need to see and it is a great task to try to live up to their vision.

There are those who, I'm sure, look at me and see nothing but a hopeful fool who is often excited about some new thing, who is often up to her elbows in some project too advanced for her and bound to fail - again. They see someone who will never amount to much, but who is too much the fool to give up the chase. And I'm not saying that what they see is wrong. I'd be more inclined to say they were right. But to me, the important parts are in the excitement, the learning, the trying and the not giving up. More fool me, perhaps, but then it is my choice.

And I have made many choices – as we all have – in the course of my life. Some have been good, some bad. Some have been very questionable. There are choices I have made that some would see as morally bankrupt, but they may not know the whole story – we so seldom do. There are some choices that people would question my judgement on, or say I had none. There are some that have been excellent choices from the outside, but not so much the best choice from within. There are choices that never felt like choices, but in truth, they always are. And choices are the better part of what makes a life.

What on earth does this have to do with running a business? Well, everything. Because business is made up of people. This business is made up of a person, and who that person is has a very direct effect on the business. Corporations may not be quite so much the personality of their boards and head people because they are a compromise and they generally do their best to keep personality out of it. But the small business – particularly that of the self-employed artist – generally is about selling some part of your personality as much as your product. There are inevitably hundreds of others out there doing pretty much the same thing you are. What sets them apart is partially the work – if you are a maker, the work should be enough. But sometimes it just isn't. Sometimes, the deciding factor is personality. I know of many people who do impeccable work that I choose not to support. Something about them doesn't fit with me. I know many people who do beautiful work that I DO want to support (whether I can afford to or not.) In fact, I know lots of people who do work that I might like less in some cases than the work of others, but sometimes it comes down to where I want to put my money. Do I want to put it on the person who I think can grow and develop and who is passionate and really, really loves what they do? A person who may have a vision to make the world a better place? A person who (insert inspiring trait here).... Or do I want to give it to the meticulous expert craftsperson who does work that is stunning, but who has lost all the joy in what they do, or who is bitter, or whose cynicism makes me sad or who looks down on everyone around them or, or, or...

That is one of those choices that I make – and I try to be sure that I make my choices – all of them – thoughtfully. Although my choices may prove to be incorrect or not to everyone's best good, I do always try to make the choice consciously. And whether you are running a buisness or whether your contribution to business is as a consumer a little thought can go a long way. Fortune and folly are often inextricably linked and sometimes one cannot be had without the other. But if your choice is a thoughtful one, maybe if it turns out you got folly rather than fortune you can look back and see where it went wrong...what it was you missed – and your future choices will be the better for it.