Ebbs and Flows

Ebbs and Flows

The last installment of this that I wrote was long. Perhaps if I had kept up the practice of writing I'd have been better able to break it down, but it felt like all of that needed to be together. And no one who doesn't want to read it has to. I have to remind myself of that. The people who might read this are doing so because they want to, so just write.

Rather than talk about another of the many opportunities I've been given just now I want to talk a bit about ebbs and flows.

When you are self-employed in any form, but particularly in a creative medium we all know that there are ebbs and flows in everything. Work, inspiration, paycheques, loving your work, hating your work, anxiety, depression, joy, triumph, wonder...

In many ways artists relate best to other artists because of the unspoken understanding of these cycles. Not that other people can't relate to them -everyone experiences them, and everyone has just as much possibility to have their work tied into their ego and their self...sort of. There is, in my humble opinion, a difference between an accountant being tied to being able to do the best job for his client and doing a great job or letting him down vs. someone who creates a work or an object from conception to finish. Not all of us do everything we do conception to finish. There are often other hands, other voices involved. And we don't do all of it for our soul or from passion or for the greater good. But there is something undefinable about that process, something words won't catch.

You think I'm off on a tangent, but this is all part of ebbs and flows. Because those things, those objects, those moments don't come all the time. And having experienced them, their absence is palpable, their lack tastes of failure and brings out the fear that they will never grace our presence again.

Tasting moments of creation, of genius, of wonder – going to the heights shows you how deep the depths can be.

With every creative person I know their highs are soaring and their lows are suffocating – sometimes. But just because it is only sometimes does not make them less important. It makes them moreso. Everyone strives for balance. But when you sway so far from the centre the centre often feels off kilter. You spend so much time hanging off of one edge or the other that when you finally hit centre the spins don't stop. So you try to compensate and by doing so throw yourself out to the sides again. Sometimes.

It isn't so dramatic for everyone. Not always. And sometimes, it is, but you are so used to it that it is just normal. And all these things can be brought on by anything. By everything. It is feast or famine...too much or not enough. When you have time there is no money – even when you have been so careful that people think scrooge is your middle name. When you have money there is no time.

Everyone who runs a small business will run into these things, everyone who creates will run into these things. Some people deal with it by turning their back and walking away. Those I have seen do this – when it is their creativity they walk away from – typically become bitter and unhappy. Unless they find another outlet.

What is the point to this? (Other than that my ability to write also ebbs and flows?) The point, I suppose, is that you are not alone. But in knowing that there are others out there who experience these things you need to find community to help you deal with them. Your vehicle for doing so will be determined by your own patterns and choices. But do, please, find community. Troubles shared are troubles halved. The weight of the ebbs and flows – and yes, the highs are heavy too – can't you tell by how tired you are when they are over? - will be lessened if you keep in touch with people and tell them what is going on. The centre will be easier to hold if you have others helping you to balance until the world stops spinning.

The highs, the lows, the plateaus are all part of the cycle. They take a toll. They are hard. But they are natural and we all experience them. (And in truth what they bring us is so worth the cost!)

So just don't give up. And don't think you are alone.