Internal Structures

 

Ah! The joys of life....In the early hours of the morning after a second relatively sleepless night, my brain churning through everything that is going on, intellectually I have decided something that I hope I can follow through on. Amidst the chaos of everything else it occurs to me that one of the things my sketchbook and my various notebooks are filled with are ideas for tools. Tools that I need to make so I can make the things I want to make. I know that a big part of my problem is that when I have an idea I find a way to muddle through with what is at hand. My time has always been so limited that when faced with the “make the tool to make the thing” or “make the thing” dilemma, I default to the latter.

Inevitably I am not happy with the results because I rushed it and shortcut the job because I didn't make the tool. There is also a lot of stuff I've never bothered to make because I don't have the “thing”. The making of the tool, for me, will also be part of the process of running how to do the project through my head. Taking the flash of inspiration through at least some of the creation steps mentally. Letting my hands work out what will be required.

Feeling rushed is another aspect of this – knowing that had a set amount of time before I ran out of time to work on it with uninterrupted flow is how it started. I think over the years it has developed into an impatience – a sense that I don't have the time to just do the work. This has been compounded by the inconsistency with which, and limited time that I've been able to give to really building the skills I want to develop. In turn, of course, this results in frustration and dissatisfaction with the work I produce – knowing I should be better, the work should be better – and the more time passes the older I get and the shorter the window for improving those skills.

Photo by Travis Sweet

In trying to work through the failure of a piece as I lay staring at the darkness, the remembrance of some of those sketches of tools I thought it would be good to make began to blossom at the back of my mind. They've been there, in the shadows for the last few weeks, whispering to me. More of them have presented themselves with this project. And suddenly it occurred to me that I should make a commitment to myself to take time over the next 3 months and start to make the tools. Some of them can be made inside (I'll try to keep those for the really cold days) – some will require some time at the forge – some are forging projects in and of themselves. I had wanted to run through a bunch of basics – I still do – to restart my skill building so, perhaps for some of them I can combine the two.

 I'm deciding to go back to the start as I fine tune the work I'm doing setting up spaces – do all the types of work I've shied away from because I didn't have the time to dedicate, and I knew I was rusty. Remember the techniques I learned because I knew I could combine them with things in interesting ways, and take the time to practice. Make, but make for the making. 

Over the years I've lost sight of the way to reach the places I want to get to – I guess in many ways I've mistaken my finger for the moon, as the zen koan goes. Maybe in going back to the beginnings I will remember how to get lost in the work.   If I want to reach the stars, it seems I've just remembered that I have to build the shuttle.